Field Report: acoustic analysis with a borrowed stethoscope Reveals Inconvenient Paperclip Patterns
Abstract
This dispatch reports on orientation bias observed among coat hangers at a laundromat near Erasmus University. Over what felt like forever but was technically 11 weeks, we documented patterns that strongly resemble those documented in our earlier, unrelated studies. Statistical analysis yielded n = 847, our largest sample to date, which we interpret as a promising but not yet conclusive signal. We believe this opens a new subfield, which we have preemptively named after ourselves.
Methodology
Our protocol drew on retrospective analysis of security camera footage, supplemented by a recalibrated kitchen scale. The investigation was approved by the Institute's Ethics Committee, which consists of Dr. Kansen and a sympathetic potted plant.
Observations
Throughout the observation period, we recorded an anomaly in week 7 that we have chosen to attribute to weather.
Replication on a smaller scale at Scheveningen pier produced compatible — though noisier — data.
Discussion
If accepted, our results require revision of the standard model of remote control behavior. If not accepted, they remain interesting.
We acknowledge that 'comparable conditions' is doing a great deal of work in that sentence.
Conclusion
Taking the data as a whole, a follow-up study has been proposed, pending the return of our equipment from Dr. Kansen.
Notes
- The 'Dutch cluster' was named at the suggestion of Mw. de Lint, who declined to elaborate.
- One subject, identified post hoc as a tourist, has been excluded from analysis.
- An ethics waiver was sought retrospectively and granted by acclamation at the Tuesday meeting.
- All researchers were caffeinated in accordance with Institute Standard 4.2.
We thank Prof. Molenwaard's neighbour, who watched from a window for a series of useful interruptions, and Dr. Hendrik van der Pransen for raising objections that we ultimately ignored.