A selection of our most impactful results, ranked by what we generously call "marginal significance." All findings have been peer-reviewed by at least one person who was paying partial attention.
Key Findings
Finding #001 · Sock Migration Studies · 2020
The Dryer Vortex Hypothesis Partially Confirmed
1 in 7.3 wash cycles
After 847 documented laundry cycles across 12 households, we confirmed that single socks disappear at a rate of approximately 1 per 7.3 cycles. Notably, dark socks vanish 23% more frequently than light ones (p = 0.11). Our leading hypothesis — that dryers contain a weak interdimensional membrane — remains unfalsified.
Finding #007 · Toast Aerodynamics · 2021
Butter-Side Probability Is Table-Height Dependent
76.4% butter-down from standard tables
Over 3,000 controlled toast drops, Prof. Molenwaard demonstrated that the butter-side-down phenomenon is almost entirely explained by standard table height (~75cm), which provides exactly enough fall distance for a single half-rotation. Toast dropped from 150cm lands butter-up 61% of the time. The Institute now advocates for taller tables as a national quality-of-life intervention.
Finding #012 · Queue Psychology · 2022
The Other Line Is Faster 68% of the Time (Subjectively)
68% perceived vs. 49.2% actual
Dr. Kansen's landmark study of 200+ queue experiences revealed that while adjacent queues move faster only 49.2% of the time (statistically, exactly what you'd expect), participants perceived the other line as faster 68% of the time. He attributes this to what he calls "Queue Envy Bias" — the human tendency to monitor other lines only when one's own line has stopped.
Finding #019 · Applied Lint Studies · 2023
Navel Lint Color Correlates with Shirt Age, Not Shirt Color
r² = 0.41
In a study that surprised even us, Mw. de Lint demonstrated that the color of navel lint correlates more strongly with the age of the garment worn (older shirts shed more varied fibers) than with the shirt's actual color. This finding overturned the "Dominant Fiber Hypothesis" that had guided lint studies for decades, insofar as lint studies had been guided at all.
Finding #023 · Door Hinge Phenomenology · 2024
People Unconsciously Avoid Squeaky Doors, Even When It's Longer
+14 seconds average detour
In a covert study conducted in a university building with strategically un-oiled hinges, our team documented that 73% of regular building users developed alternate routes to avoid doors with persistent squeaks, adding an average of 14 seconds per journey. When asked, none of the subjects were consciously aware they had changed their routes. One participant denied the squeaky door existed despite having used it daily for two years.
Full datasets and methodology notes for all findings are available upon request, assuming we can locate the relevant USB stick.